If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
