He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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