Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
