I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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