So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
