do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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