Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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