Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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