Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
