As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
