Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You may now shotgun with the bride
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I could fuck to npr.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
