White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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