I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
