were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Randomize
