I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
