omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize
