Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
