I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
