I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
