I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
