My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
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I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
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I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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