Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
