you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
