Are you still at the party or did I leave?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
