Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
