can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
