How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
