this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
