The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize