benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
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Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
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Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize