I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
