Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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