Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
