first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
