last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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