Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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