I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
