I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
