dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
And then he peed in my hair
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