oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
