so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
