Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
