Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
