oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I could fuck to npr.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
