There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
