we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
