I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
