I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
