He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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