i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
