i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
