if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
