You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
