I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Congratulations! We have a period
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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