you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
