WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
