You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
