if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
