Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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