i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
