I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
