Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
