Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
