sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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