I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
