jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
