My first STD was from a foam party
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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