we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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