I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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