Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
