she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize