dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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