The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
