just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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