It's Friday. Sex?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
